Mornings are the hardest. Especially when I have this lady snuggled up next to me.
Now I will say, getting up in the mornings has never been my forte (night owl here), but since having to go back to work, it has been even harder. Mabel sleeps through the night until about 5:30 or 6:00 each morning, so as soon she wakes up I bring her into bed with us and nurse her. She and I snooze off and on until the darn alarm goes off at 6:50. I usually hit snooze until about 7:20 when I finally peel myself away from Mabel and get ready.
It's tough. Really tough.
Part of me is grateful for this time because I know that this is good for Dan. Not many dads get to spend this type of quality time with their children. I know that it's sometimes frustrating for him to be without a job, but I am SO grateful that he's the one that's taking care of her during the day.
The other part of me is frustrated that I'm not the one that's home with her. Dan and I have always said that once we had kids, if we could financially afford it, that I would stay home. This was the plan when we got pregnant, but in February, Dan lost his job. Even after he lost his job, I had in my head that he would get one really quickly and I would be able to stay home with our little bundle. But, when that didn't happen and the day came for me to go back after maternity leave, I felt like the whole world had turned against me. I know, I know. How dramatic! But, when you have an idea in your mind, it's really hard to change your perspective.
Now that I've been back at it for a month I can say that it's gotten a little bit easier. Part of it has to do with the fact that I know this is temporary. Once Dan does get a job (praying for a potential prospect right now) the tables will be flipped and I will be the one that stays at home and he will join the work force again. Also the fact that she doesn't know that I'm gone helps. She's still too young to really notice my absence.
In writing this, I hope I don't sound like too much of a complainer. I am grateful for this job. Without it we would be in serious financial trouble. I am grateful that Dan gets this precious time with the babe. I am grateful that this is a season in my life and it will eventually pass; hopefully sooner rather than later. :)
I write this with the intention of being able to look back on this time with thankfulness and a perspective that I would have never had. I know God is growing me through this.
In the meantime, I hope to soon report back that Dan has a job and that I am making the transition to "full time mommy"!!
