One Month

One month ago today, I quit sugar. You may be asking yourself why someone would want to do a crazy thing like that? Well believe me, I had to have a pretty good reason to just stop cold turkey, because this girl loves sugarrrrrrrr! Seriously, I have never met a candy bar, cookie or cake that I didn't like.

Well, the reason I've quit sugar and cut back on gluten is because I was diagnosed back in March with an infertility disorder called PCOS, or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. This news came after Dan and I had been trying to get pregnant for close to a year without any luck. You can type PCOS into Google and you will get a whole list of symptoms, some of which are below:

• Trouble losing weight and weight gain around your middle area
• Irregular or missed periods (or in my case, really long cycles)
• Trouble getting pregnant
• Insulin resistance
• Cysts on the ovaries
• Acne
• Unwanted hair on the face, chest, etc. (places where ladies aren't supposed to have hair)

If PCOS is left untreated it can eventually lead to type-2 diabetes, which is why it feels important to me to cut out refined sugars. Luckily, it is a disorder that can be treated by diet and lifestyle change. It's not that you can't get pregnant, it's just that if you do, it's going to take longer and will be harder.

This news was not an entire surprise for me. My mom had a lot of fertility issues when she and my dad were trying to have my sisters and I, so I've always wondered if I might have problems. Even with that knowledge and finding this out from my Dr., I still don't think I was quite prepared for the emotions that came with it.

There have definitely been many nights of weeping and praying. I pray for God to bless us with a child of our own, but at the same time I struggle because He doesn't always give us the desires of our heart. Just because I ask for it doesn't mean that I'm going to get it. That's not how this works.

The thing that hits me the hardest is when I see other couples getting pregnant and having babies. Each time it feels like a giant knife slices through my heart. I'm always super happy for them, but there are days when I ask God, "why?" "Why can't I just get pregnant?"

For me, the not knowing has been the hardest thing. I know that God loves me and wants to bless me, but I also know that He knows what's best for me and a baby might not be what He has in store. Me being selfish, I mostly just want to hear a definite answer from Him; "Yes, you will get pregnant," or "No, that will never happen, you should adopt." I know that it's super selfish of me to want to know, but that is where my head and heart go whenever I think about it. That is where I am right now with God. Constantly asking and trying to figure this out.

In all of this though, I can definitely feel God teaching me patience and trust. Patience to just sit back and let Him lead me. Trust to know that no matter the outcome, pregnancy or adoption, He is still in control and I am to continue to look to Him. I serve an amazing God and no matter if I have zero kids or adopt 20, He will always be there for me and I can trust that one day I will see Him in glory.

I felt like I should share this for those of you who know us (or even for those of you who don't) so that you can be praying alongside Dan and I. We are trusting that it will happen, but it would mean a lot to us to have brothers and sisters praying alongside us. Some of our close church friends and some family know and are praying, but it can't hurt to have more people doing so.

I also wanted to share this for anyone else out there in this giant blog-o-sphere that is possibly struggling with the same diagnosis. Sometimes it's just nice to be able to relate to someone and to be able to talk about it. So, if you're out there and have PCOS, please respond to this post or get a hold of me. I would love to pray alongside you and just be there for you. I would also to love to hear of anything that helped you get pregnant after a PCOS diagnosis

Also, if you're interested, some current reading material that has been useful to me thus far:

"The PCOS Diet Plan: A Natural Approach to Health for Women with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome"
http://www.amazon.com/The-PCOS-Diet-Plan-Polycystic/dp/158761023X

"The Ultimate PCOS Handbook: Lose Weight, Boost Fertility, Clear Skin and Restore Self-Esteem"
http://www.amazon.com/The-Ultimate-PCOS-Handbook-Self-Esteem/dp/157324371X

And, a giant thank you if you took the time to read this entire post.You Rock!

Becky

Currently listening to: Kings of Leon-"Wait for Me" (their 2nd release off of their new album, "Mechanical Bull, that comes out in September. If you haven't listened to this song you should! Their music is super solid.)